January 2011
2 posts
What could be more fun than cycling around Berlin... →
The first time I saw this what I can only call ‘thing’, close to Checkpoint Charlie, it was loaded with Irish ‘lads’ singing “Ole, Ole, Ole … we’re all part of Jackie’s army”. They were pedaling more slowly than they were drinking. I turned to see where the noise was coming from, stared, shook my head, and moved away slowly.
July 2010
1 post
May 2010
6 posts
1 tag
1 tag
3 tags
KaDeWe: democracy through consumerism
When you ascend from the Untergrund Bahn station of Wittenbergplatz your view is obscured by an imposing grey building with the KaDeWe logotype brightly lit against the gloomy Berlin sky.
KaDeWe’s backlit logo stands serves as more than just a waypointer, it stands for KaDeWe’s whole philosophy.
KaDeWe stands for Kaufhaus Des Westens, the shopping center of the west. It is a...
3 tags
CET, the worst form of timezone
Dear Germany,
One of the points of moving to Germany was to improve the “work-life ratio”. Sold by stories of Germans having months of vacation, wonderful long lunch breaks, and sunny, bright evenings in the park. I’m still waiting for it to kick in.
What I misunderestimated was just how wrong I’d be. If you work with Europe as well as the East and West coasts of the...
4 tags
It's Spargel time
Dear Germanofiles,
Spargel is a form of asparagus. Ordinarily green, this asparagus has been subject to a kind of horticultural abomination: instead of letting the plant grow German farmers heap soil on the growing plants, burying them. The result is a thicker, juicier, and whiter plant. White because the asparagus hasn’t been subject to sun and hasn’t developed the green...
April 2010
3 posts
3 tags
Cappuccino
This isn’t about Germany, per se, but Europe. Every time I order a cappuccino, I get a beautiful coffee, not a barrage of further questions. I don’t need to specify venti, grande, short or any other adjective — a cappuccino to go comes as Himself intended: in a 6 oz cup. Makes me happy at least.
How a Germanofile reads The New Yorker
One of the the things you learn to do while living abroad, is to quickly skip past the first section of The New Yorker. It isn’t that I don’t want to know what’s going on around town, it’s purely a coping mechanism so I don’t get too homesick.
March 2010
2 posts
2 tags
February 2010
7 posts
4 tags
The Crush
Dear Germany,
Let me laugh out loud for a few minutes. Hahahah. There, done! If that was the best you could do for a rush hour, you make me (happily) sick. Honestly, I’ve seen more people on the G train in the morning (the G train for G-d’s sake!) that I do every morning on the U2. I’ve mentioned this before but I feel like you’re hiding something from me — oh yes,...
2 tags
Reasons to move to Germany #4
Women. One of the strongest reasons any man or likewise-minded woman will have to move to Germany is the strong, tall, blond(ish) beauty of the German female. Indeed, when walking or commuting through Berlin without glasses, one has to be forgiven for thinking that it might be and then having it sadly revealed that it is not but a poorly executed version of of the beauty of one’s own German...
Reasons to move to Germany # 3
Dear Potential Germanophile,
Germany will help you lose weight! You are pretty much guaranteed to lose weight in your first few weeks in Germany. US portions are the way of the past, there’s a huge emphasis on healthy eating and high fructose corn syrup, or any corn syrup for that matter, seems reticent to be seen on ingredient labels. Reasons #3 is dependent on your ability to exercise...
2 tags
Reasons to move to Germany #2
Dear future Germanophile,
The price of beer. Germany has one of the finer selections of beer known to any nation. To be sure some smaller nations can pull heavy punches but they are in no way in the same league. from Pilseners to Wheat beers, darker beers to ales, the selection can be truly awe inspiring. Take a recent trip to a local Getraenkemarkt (off license) that boasted a selection of over...
2 tags
Reasons to move to Germany #1
Dear wannabe Germanophile,
Two words: double glazing. Windows are by far the most attractive thing that you learn about when you move to Germany. I’m not kidding. In Brooklyn, our windows acted like built-in refrigerators. The cold air would push its way into the room to create small mini-vortexes of frost bite. We lined our windows will sellotape, cotton wool, thermal insulating spray,...
2 tags
The Quiet
Dear Germany,
What is with the quietude? Back in Brooklyn there’s always a hum. Sometimes even more than a hum. Take for example the 5+ individual garbage trucks that rumbled past our apartment every night (one for each side of the street’s public trash cans—that’s four, we lived on the corner—and one for the commercial trash from the restaurant opposite; this does not count...
2 tags
Bank accounts
Dear someday Germanophile,
So today I opened a bank account. It was relatively painless. Mainly because I had someone helping me the whole way through.
The port of call was Commerzbank in Berlin, who have a group that can speak English. I can recommend them. They’re mainly dedicated to diplomats so wear a suit when you go in and look important.
They’ll want to see your passport...
January 2010
2 posts
From BKLN to BRLN
Dear Germany,
Let’s get one thing clear. We’ve given up a lot to come live with you. On Friday we finally took the long flight that brought us to Berlin from Brooklyn. There’s so much we left behind. Take for instance Brooklyn lager, the Brooklyn flea, Brooklyn water towers, Prospect Park, Provisions’ morning coffee and the inimitable C train to work every morning.
...
Dear Germany
This is the story of a couple of almost expats who find themselves finally in Germany. Here you’ll find chronicled the craziness and the heart-rending culture shock that awaits any expat seasoned or unseasoned. You are invited to join us in becoming truly German, or not.